“Those little slices of Death…oh how I loathe them…” –Edgar Allan Poe
Glenda is a very dear friend of mine and a fellow writer and host of a provocative and thought-provoking blog. As writers, we regularly spend endless amounts of time discussing the kind of issues that might interest or confront a writer in his/her literary life pursuits. Sometimes, Glen (as I call her) can be so deliciously cruel with her questions, that I often feel ambushed at the deck of rationality, psychologically adrift in the see of responsibility, led astray by Captain Moral, held captive by existential pirates, and ultimately shipwrecked off some bleak and desolate island called intellectual despair. There, I am left all alone to struggle with the burdensome issues of right, wrong, morality and humanity….or, the timelessly epic question, What would Jesus do? Well, recently, Glen asked me a question which – once again – quickened my senses, rushing me to gates of inquiry to call forth a deep, probing, and explorative examination of myself and the man I thought I was. An exploration which beckoned me to look deep within my soul in order to really understand both what it means to be a human being trying to survive in the mad, mad, mad, mad jungle that is life, and what it means to be a writer trying to survive in the mad, mad, mad, mad jungle that is literati.
Seated at our favorite Coney Island spot on Woodward – the one near Comerica Park, across the street from the old, funky historical church, not far from Downtown Detroit, up the way from Fox Theatre, and down the street from Wayne State University – Glen took a slurp of her creamy, sweet coffee, gave me her signature tilted, green-eyed glance, a grim, curl-lipped smirk, and smacked me with a question, equivalent to a Bobby Fischer checkmate move: “So Push, would you have a one-night stand with someone of the same sex for a million dollar book deal?
“What? Goddamn, Glen! How you gone come at me like that!?” I mean, the nerve of her asking someone like me – a fragile, desperate, and struggling writer – such a loaded question! And, as a struggling writer thinking about the challenge and depth of her question, I have to look at the question from an economic/financial angle (since this is really a question about where one is in their financial lives). I am not sure if I would sleep with a man for a million bucks, really. I am heterosexual, love women, and I am totally secure in my sexuality……..or am I?
For someone who is not rich, whereas a million dollar book deal would certainly make a difference in my financial life, could I really say that I would not do it? Screwing a guy would only last for a night, and I suppose that I could certainly pay a psychiatrist to banish away the guilt forever. But, a million dollar book deal would pay off my student loans, get me a great apartment in the swanky and posh New York Soho district, or in TriBeCa, or Greenwich Village, putting me in a social circle of real artists, and open up doors to the elite society of writers.
One of the most important elements for a writer is leisure. Just ask Poe, Baldwin, Woolf, or Capote, and they will all attribute the element of leisure to their success as writers. Poe – understanding the importance of time and leisure as crucial elements in the life and pursuits of the writer – spent his entire life longing for, and chasing after, the privileged and prestigious lifestyle of a leisurely writer. Yet, since his wealthy father had punished the brilliant writer for dropping out of West Point, thus banishing the perennially impoverished Poe from any inheritance, Poe – who’d failed at marrying any of the wealthy women he’d so fervently and desperately pursued – would ultimately lament his literary failures in terms of his inability to secure the financial security needed to maintain a writer’s lifestyle. So, the million dollar book deal would allow me to have time to write all day, mingle all night, and I could hire an agent rather than beg for one. A million dollar book deal would allow me to have a real marketing campaign, a real publishing party, and get a best-seller – you can buy that too – and earn another million dollars. See how this goes?
Certainly I could work hard, stealing sacred moments of precious writing time – in between a l o n g, hot, sweaty, fruitless day job, and perhaps crank out ten books before I ever got any real recognition, and then be thankful for finally making a living at writing….in ten years…maybe. But a million dollar book deal could increase my chances of getting it right now, rather than wait for it to happen. (The integrity of waiting is over-rated, worthless philosophy pandered down from the smart to the foolish in order to keep them….waiting….seemingly, for Godot….who never comes, remember.) And by then, with all the good things that the cool mill would bring, I would eventually forget all about the unimportant night that ultimately produced the important results. So, again, let’s think about this for a minute, shall we?
Let’s look at this from a different angle – since most guys want to play the hyper-masculine game – are we not supposed to provide for, and protect our families? Well, what if your ole lady or your kid needed a heart transplant and you had no insurance? Would you sleep with a guy for a million bucks to save the life of your wife or child? See how this goes? Tough question for even those of us who think we got the skinny on what it means to be a man and all that crap.
And as for those meaninglessly interchangeable words like morals, self esteem, pride, integrity and all that misleading and mind controlling BS (that real success-driven people never believe in), no one ever – or has ever – achieved anything of great value and significance playing those ignorant and stupid games against the more powerful, mystical, complex and sacred geometry of chance and opportunity. The question at hand presents too serious a dilemma to coward out of it by playing the presumptuous moral card. But, for the sake of fairness, let’s play it:
My friend, Costa, shows up at the restaurant, ordered a bacon and cheese omelette, coffee, wheat toast with grape jelly, and then lit a cigarette, took a sip of water, and joined the discussion. Costa, one who thinks himself to be a swashbuckling, manly, and hyper-masculine type of brotha, certainly did not agree with my viewpoints on the matter of screwing another man for the cool-mill-book-deal, and, predictably, took the more politically correct, amiably, and safe route of commentary. He suggested, “Push, morals are only meaningless when not first defined and then applied to one’s lifestyle as the base standard.”
Ok, then, let’s define the word moral! Then let’s define the word standard. Afterwards, I guarantee that both will fall and crumble under the weight and pressure of reality. Always has and always will because both words arbitrarily change meaning and value in any given global context. They do not have absolute meanings. Nothing does. Not even Jesus Christ. That’s why the words are ultimately meaningless – in the face of something more desperate, necessary, and urgent – which cancels out one meaning to usher in the new one. They only behold the power, value, and meaning that we assign them for whatever reason. And that’s why their meanings can never be absolute. (That’s how we got from negre to nigger to negro to colored to black to African American. But, ultimately, do they really mean anything to us in the sense of who we are? Tell me, which of those words must we “first define and then apply to one’s lifestyle as the base standard” of how we identify ourselves?) See how this goes? That is why the moral and standard cards always fall and crumble under the weight and pressure of reality. Like London bridge. Always.
I think it was Isaiah Berlin who said “Out of the crooked timber of humanity, no straight thing was ever made” (….or something like that). To survive, people will do anything, especially the ones with morals and standards (because no one would ever suspect them of sucking dick for a million dollars, so they remain safe from scrutiny and ridicule). So then the only thing that needs to be “defined” is, what does it mean to survive? Not the issue of morals and standards, but the issue of survival, and what one is willing to do to survive.
So, that is why one has to think long and hard and honest before they can really be certain of whether or not they would sleep with someone of the same sex for a million dollar book deal, especially when they stand in the luxurious position of not having to really actually face the challenge.
What would you do?
The new African-American owned multi-media platform
Don't misread the article.
WOW, frontwards and backwards! I absorbed every delicious word. What a wonderful writer you are. Such a loaded question. In the famous words of my homeboy, Arsenio Hall, "hmmmmmm . . ." What would it profit a wo(man) to gain the world and lose his/her soul? It'll profit a million dollar book deal. Is it worth risking one's soul? That is the question.
Yes, Beverly, that is the question.
You amaze me,,,beautifully and make a sister think!
angelia
Ahhh I knew it was going to be good. But had no idea it was going to be this good and thought-provoking as well. I don't have to think long about the answer though..IF it were to save a loved ones' life(surgery,organ replacement, etc) and I had NO other means to do it(no insurance, no house to mortgage, etc,etc..) then I'd sleep with another female in a heartbeat…And NO its not something I've ever done before. I'm all woman and totally undeniably heterosexual. I think people need to be honest with themselves..some folks have done ALOT worse..for alot less. I'd pray long and hard on it prior to doing it and pray that saved my soul. God knows our hearts..Would I do it for a million dollar book deal? Absolutely not. There are other means to support ones' self until what we love to do can support us..Been there, done that. Look at all examples of the Blacks actors, comedians, etc who jumped into acting to support themselves..But then later on you find out that their first LOVE was singing. The acting was just a way to get in the door and pay the bills..Jamie Foxx is the perfect example of that. You can't put a pricetag on success..And feeling good about self (N what I partake in ) is priceless in my world anyway..Berna
No, I don't believe that morals and standards are quite that fluid. Thousands of words have been written about the folly of thinking such in making a decision, e.g sleeping with a person (of any sex) to get a million dollar deal (of any kind). Hence the phrase "Selling your soul to the devil", and the follow-up question "Was it worth it?" This is a question as old as time. Survival is one thing- but to get a million dollar book deal, that is not survival. That is "I want", not survival mode "I need". Not in the strict sense of the word survival, as in life or death. I love writing, deeply and passionately. To be free from the pressure of earning a living would be beautiful. Yet if I would do something to have that freedom that violated my sense of self or my moral standard I most likely would not find that freedom sweet, or even be free enough mentally to finish the book. Having made that choice would weigh heavily on my mind and soul. That would be the irony, to sacrifice for the thing you thought was most important and not be able to pursue it.
I agree with Lynn. That is not about survival, but about material desire. I don't think I could live comfortably with myself if I knew I'd literally prostituted myself for a book deal. Of course, having never been faced with such a dilemma, I can only hypothesize about how I think I'd handle it.
push, i see u are again trying to push the envelope of man's reality. once again u challenge one to examen their belief systmem. is it wrong or right to take a million dollars for a book deal? of course, most people have stated the excepted normal response of no, no, no. however, i think if people could get away with it without having to "pay" a price for going outside the norm, then i think they would. i know i would be tempted to take a million dollars cash. i would question if i would feel guilty afterward, but like u stated i could pay for a shrink to "fix" me and still enjoy the fruits of my "labor". is it really selling your soul? would the encounter with the person of the same sex actually be one of intense sexual pleasure which one enjoyed then which in turn causes feelings of regret and remorse for giving into our baser instincts?
i think people would be afraid to cross that line because then they would have to alter their reality that they have formed.
i think that the question should be would you sleep with the person of the same sex for a million dollars at the risk that you would enjoy it and thus shatter your belief in what is right or wrong or moral or immoral.
are you willing to cross the bounderies that society has set for the roles of men and women. would you risk losing your heterosexual identity? are u afraid that u would "become GAY"
PUSH … I love you honey … Thank You for making me sound sooo freaking smart … LOL … you are such a wonderful, thought provoking writer … I just feed off of you … I'm so happy you came into my life …
Love Ya,
G
Wowwww @Stormy Kane I can only speak for moi, but you said a mouthful right there!!! There was what I "omitted" from my post yesterday. Lol..I wasn't quite sure what the climate was here and whether I could really let my hair down..BUT I can't lie… you just listed 2 reasons why I wouldn't be eager to yield to the temptation of the million dollars. I am VERY comfy with my heterosexuality to the point that my sensuality I've been told oozes quite naturally through my personality. BUT, and this is my own theory(validated by private accounts from other women..no sisters I might add), I feel women have a natural bicuriousity..I didn't say they ACT on it, as I've not either, but they are curious..I don't feel the same can be said for men. So….IF the original million dollar offer had been for anything else taboo..I feel the responses and sentiment might have in fact been different. My response certainly might have been. I still stand by my response in that it would have to be a life-threatening crisis for me or a loved one for me to take this million dollar offer. And my worst fear upon acting on this offer is that I might enjoy it..And then what? Would I still be a sexy heterosexual? Or would I be turned OUT? Or would I then be a bi-sexual?
"i think that the question should be would you sleep with the person of the same sex for a million dollars at the risk that you would enjoy it and thus shatter your belief in what is right or wrong or moral or immoral."
Well, that's a good question! But, whether or not I would enjoy it has nothing to do with whether or not it would shatter my moral beliefs. As I mentioned before, I would've already have put those emotions in check before I did the deed. And, for me, what is moral and immoral changes from one street corner to the next. So, like a good human being, I would alter my moral compass to assuage the guilt. That's what people do. (Just ask anyone who goes to church every sunday and pay tithes. What are they really doing? Supporting the ministry or bribing God? So, dealing with the moral dilemma of the matter is easy. Now, as for your second question,
"are you willing to cross the bounderies that society has set for the roles of men and women. would you risk losing your heterosexual identity? are u afraid that u would “become GAY”"
lol Well, firstly, crossing boundaries is not just a basic survival technique, but it is necessary if we are to really understand what it means to be an individual. In other words, for instance, name me one great historical figure who didnt cross boundaries? (which is why they ultimately achieved greatness.) As for my heterosexual identity, well, would it be lost? For example,I personally know brothas who've gone to prison for long periods, went through the prison rape thing, got released, and never again thought about having sex with another man. It's really a mind over matter thing.
Liane, I already know what most women would do in a situation like this. And Bernascute just confirmed it.
whats up unc i'm movin back to detroit here tommorow …and so i also have to ask whats the residuals package lookin like on this million dollr deal…is there optioning for other books….publishing rights…a milli alone i wouldnt do it for…but you put the right business package together and meh…friction is friction
I would not do it. Simply because if you have done all that you can to get a book deal and it did not happen then either there is something you missed in the process of pursuing the book deal. Or you truly did not do all you could have done. Finally, that may not be your calling.
After working all day your next job is getting a book deal. I would take trips to author’s/ publisher’s houses and knock on their door like I know them. Put my book in their mail box. I would send two copies of my book a week to publishers for a couple of years. You’re working a day job so you can afford that, just cut out dating. There are tons of things that I would have to do before I would even hypnotically talk about being with the same sex.
If you enjoy doing something that you would do for free, and then figure a way to get paid to do it.
I agree with Lynn. Getting a book deal is a matter of "want" not survival. Still, reality television answers this question everyday: it shows us that most people, when given the opportunity, are all-too-willing to "suck dick" for their fifteen minutes of fame.
Push, you should write a column everyday! Love ya.
There's not enough cash, or a book, movie, television or recording deal that would ever compell me to involve myself with a man. I may be cuter that some girls but why any man would want to deal wirh me over a woman is a question that never need be seriously contemplated.
J Paul
J, it's just what we discussed on the phone earlier…never say never. i would like to think i would not but given the economic turmoil we are in today, who knows what i or anyone of us would do if our situations became dire…like in the situation of the spouse or child who became ill and had no insurance…for my child i would cough up a hairball (yuck?! did i say that) but that is not saying i get down like that…just in certain situations who knows what we would do? i only hope and pray that is something i would never have to do for financial security…(coughing here…need some water)
Wow, interesting post. Different genre, but I think, it bares mentioning. This reminds me of Halle Berry baring it all in the movie Monsters Ball only to later receive an oscar. Would Angela Bassette, do such a thing? Or for that matter, Julia Roberts?
So, it is that I too, agree with Lynn. I would not sleep with a woman for a million dollar book deal. If it is meant to be then it shall be. I humbly, acknowledge and understand that God doesn't need any help from me. Until, then I will keep writing, and striving.
Blessings,
Vanessa
Good afternoon all! And you're correct Vanessa..Very interesting posts indeed. I can't agree with you more about Angela Bassett. She's awesome and has always exuded class in my opinion. BUT never forget Julia Robert's humble beginning in Hollywood. In Pretty Woman she played a hooker..a high class hooker..but a ho all the same. Many an actress wouldn't have played that negative role either..but it launched her career without a doubt. And Vanessa Williams,another very talented sister in many rights..Before she hit stardom didn't she pose with another woman in a men's magazine? Can't recall which one, but I do recall both women were naked. I try hard to not use the words.."What I won't do.." OR "I'd never DO that for money or love.." I've found myself eating words in this lifetime after saying those very words..i.e. My divorce(because I had bragged for years on an excellent marriage and what my husband would NOT do..until he did it..) And I learned never to say what my sons wouldn't bring me through..i.e. My middle son went through a horrendous adolescent phase that I didn't think either of us would survive! Cause I thought I'd kill him! Lol..The great news is now my Xhubby and I are once again the best of friends and our middle son turned out just fine..Again, this was such a thought provoking article and certainly makes one think outside of the box..
That is all it does, is make one think…and in my case grin…
angelia
Remember, ladies, we're talking about a struggling writer. "If it is meant to be then it shall be," Vanessa, may very well depend on the sudden chance of the million dollar sex offer. Perhaps the offer "was meant to be" the thing, or opportunity, that could rescue the writer from possible obscurity. Berna, while Julia Roberts was never a prostitute in real life, yet, Hollywood is infamous for the 'casting couch' era. Marilyn Monroe told reporters – upon receiving her first real significant movie deal, "that's the last time I'll ever have to perform fellacio [sucking dick]." So, at whatever level of art, the question is still the same. There are many (untold) stories of movie stars who've had to give up (homosexual) sex to get ahead. Even a young and vulnerable Elvis Presley was propositioned by Liberace. And, Vanessa, be very careful about how much help god needs….he didn't hear the prayers of slaves for 300 years….at which point we stopped praying and helped our selves.
i don't agree with the adage " what will be will be" because it implies that one ia at the mercy of fate. we have choices and there are times we "choose" to do something or not. " what will be will be" is too fatalistic. And, Push, i don't think it was that God didn't "hear" the prayers of the slaves for all those years, but, maybe he was waiting for them to get up off their knees so they could work together. Since, God gave man free will to act in his own behalf-it stands to reason God would expect man to put some of his own effort into helping himself get free.
back to the topic at hand, the entertainment field is not the only venue in which
people have had to "suck up" pun intended, to get ahead. From boardrooms, laundry rooms, bedrooms-someone has to give up something to get what they want-married,single, straight,or gay. we all pay a price. some we can live with others we can't. you choose.
"He didn’t hear the prayers of slaves for 300 years….at which point we stopped praying and helped ourselves."
As a Christian I hate to say this but…Amen!
As convoluted and pedantic as I may be (a fancy way of explaining my 'left-fielded' way of expression), I guess that's what I've been try to say, Kane: we all pay a price.
ps I don't want to stray away from the topic, either, although I do believe that the issue of god sits at the very center of the question because of the moral and ethical crisis of the question – and both are synonymous with god. So, to linger on this a bit, if what you say is true – "God gave man free will to act in his own behalf-it stands to reason God would expect man to put some of his own effort into helping himself get free.." – then, (some may argue), god must be pretty demented, at best, sado-masochistic, at the least. Some might say.
pss Some might say that one cannot rationally use the words "god" and "reason" in the same sentence. lol. Some might say. But, anywho, I dig what you're saying. And thank you, kindly, for affirming the point of my article.
U Suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I loved this! Great write. I'm sure many have sold their soul for what they THOUGHT they needed or wanted. The question is… how badly do you want or need this? …And can you live with yourself once you have gotten what you so badly wanted?
You are a great writer.
Thank you.
Deeva
PUSH NEVAHDA
we all have some common boundary .We make chooses in our lives,and we have to live with it.
First never say never because in diffrent circumstances you may not know what you might do.
I have seen people in my life time that said NeverMe!!!!!!!!!!!
I believe in the power of prays.
You stated that god didn,t hear our black slaves .YES he does
Maya Angelou said
Bring the gifts my ancestors gave,
I am the dream an the hope of the slave
I RISE
I RI
If he is not killing our black kids with drugs. Miss bruising woman.
Some people go against there believes in time of hardship.
Our actions defines our character .
Where there hope there a chance.
Peace Out
Maxwell
Well, given the context, I don't wanna turn this into a black history or theology debate, but, I'm more willing to believe that the slaves – including the Irish peasantry & the Native Americans (America's first group of slaves), heard the groans and moans of their own spirits and souls yearning to be free – a most elegiac moment so profound for black folks it ultimately produced what West calls "the first great art in America" i.e. the blues. In other words, I believe in the strength, endurance, and dogged determination of people, rather than the mysticism and magic of the unexplainable.
As for Maya, she lost me with her poem, Phenomenal Woman, speaking of black female worth and value in sexualed terms. And I certainly wouldnt analyze, "Bring the gifts my ancestors gave, I am the dream an the hope of the slave," in terms of god hearing anyone.
The point of my article, and as you noted, is that people do go against their beliefs when their backs are against the wall. And I can write a book of examples on that issue. The question is, In the face of religion, righteousness, morality, god, Jesus, etc, what does all this mean? Thats the Shakespearean question… to eat or not to eat? And for the slaves (black preachers, specifically), the question was, To wait on Jesus…or not to wait? Was Lincoln the embodiment of Jesus? I'd say no. Black preachers really freed the slaves…or at least they worked with Lincoln to move him in the (moral/military/political) direction to see the (military) significance of signing those papers. But, Lincoln or not, slaves would've continued to rebel, plot, scheme, and kill until they were free. No human spirit can rest under the strain of bondage.